We spend our lives with a voice in our head that has guided us since we were young. Most of its work happens in solitude. Away from people, distraction and performance, you can sit with that voice and listen without needing to act. This is where much of our growth happens. You replay past choices, examine your patterns, and imagine the actions you wish you had taken.

But the voice is not reality. Without contact with others, it becomes easy to construct a fantasy of who you are, what standards you hold, and how good a person you believe yourself to be. The voice projects your beliefs and preserves the ego. The truth of who you are is revealed in company. You need other people to shift your perspective and uncover blind spots.

When solitude and contact are held together, you become tougher on yourself and gentler with others. When you stop lying to yourself in private, you stop needing to defend yourself in public. You become less centred on your own image and more attentive to what others feel, need and carry. This balance between inner perception and outer reality is what actually improves character.

• How do you see yourself differently in solitude compared to how you appear in company?
• Where might your self-image be shaped more by imagination than by behaviour?
• What truths about yourself only appear when you are around other people?